You Can't Blame Yourself
by Cpt. Ritter
Summary: Daniel can't stop blaming himself for Vala's disappearance, two years after beachead
1. Miss Me?

You Can't Blame Yourself

Daniel Jackson stepped through the gate. It wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last. He always found some degree of comfort in returning to the SGC after a mission. Or, rather he had.

It had been two years since they'd stopped the Ori attempt at making a beachhead into this galaxy. He could only assume that they'd eventually come in ships. He owed one person all of the credit for stopping the formation of the beachhead. _Vala._

Anyone who knew him would assume that he hated the annoying, child-like antics of Vala. The truth was, that under all those antics, was a person he had really cared about. He hadn't realized it until she been gone.

He realized he'd been standing at the foot of the ramp for too long. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and then walked out of the gate room. He caught up with Cameron, Sam, and Teal'c just before they walked into the infirmary.

From there, it was all routine. He was silently checked up by Doctor Lam, and then released. From the infirmary, he walked straight to his office. It was a place he could think.

He entered the room and sat down at his computer. Like all the other times before this, he couldn't get over Vala. It seemed ridiculous, she'd been gone two years, but each day seemed to just get longer and longer. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed her. He missed her terribly.

As usual, Cameron took a moment to visit him. "Jackson, is something bothering you?"

The most ironic thing about Cameron Mitchell was his ability to read Daniel's mind. "No nothing." Daniel lied.

Cameron didn't leave. Instead he stepped into the office and walked up to Daniel. "Look Jackson, you can't keep blaming yourself for her."

"I still can't help but feel…." Daniel trailed off. "…. If we'd been more trusting of her, maybe she wouldn't have….." He shook his head. "She did save our lives."

"I know we didn't exactly trust her, but we let her come along."  
"You and I both know that's because she and I were bonded."

Cameron stumbled over what to say. "Well, I know we…."

I'm talking about once Sam was back." Daniel interrupted. "As soon as Sam came back, we almost ignored her. I can't help but feel, if we'd just listened to her…. that whole thing might've ended better."

"Did you really like her Jackson?"

"As much as I thought I didn't….." Daniel shook his head. "… I guess I did."

"Then tell me this. Would she like you to continue beating yourself up over this?"

"She'd probably take some perverse pleasure from it actually."

Cameron laughed. "She would, at least on the outside."

"But I really think she wouldn't want me too. The thing is, it's just not that easy."

"No, it never is. It's never easy to lose a friend. I know."

"Yeah, I know you do. You lost a lot of friends over Antarctica, all for us."

Cameron turned away. "You know Jackson. One of these days she'll be back. When she does, tell her how you really feel." Then he left.

XXX

Daniel just happened to be in the control room two days later when the gate opened. He instinctively glanced down at Walther's computer. Coming through the gate was SG-1's IDC. He knew that couldn't be true. SG-1 was on the base. He turned to General Landry. "It's SG-1's code."

"And who could've gotten that?" Landry replied gruffly.

"Vala." Daniel said flatly. "You've got to open the iris."

Landry nodded to Walter, who then opened the iris. Landry activated the microphone. "Defense teams on high alert!"

Marines began to swarm into the gate room. Daniel stood there, waiting, hoping. Then she stepped through, back stepping and firing her zat. She turned as soon as she could and yelled up to the control room. "Close the iris!"

Walter closed the iris. "Closing iris."

Daniel didn't wait for General Landry's permission. He ran from the control room and down into the control room, shoving several marines aside. He stopped at the base of the ramp as the stargate shut down. He looked up.

Vala looked like she'd been through some hard times. Her hair was shorter, her eyes were red with fatigue, and she walked like something heavy was weighting her down.

They stood there for a few seconds, just looking at each other. Eventually, Vala spoke. "Hello Daniel." Her voice was soft and sad. He'd only seen her like this once before, when her adopted people had been dying of the Ori disease.

He walked up the ramp and gathered her into a hug. As he released her he said. "I've missed you."

Vala seemed taken aback. "What?"

"It took me a long time to realize it, but I missed you."

"Doctor Jackson." Landry said over the microphone. "Would you be so kind as to escort our guest to the infirmary?"

Daniel extended an arm. "Come on."

For once in her life, Vala took it without any masks, without any deception.

XXX

A short time later, Daniel entered her quarters. Vala was resting on the bed. He quietly walked up to the bed stand, and set down the vase of flowers and the card. He was just about to leave when she spoke. "Don't leave."

"I just thought you might want to be alone." Daniel replied.

"No! I've spent the last two years alone. All I want is a little company." She sat up. "All these years I thought I'd been through so much…" She stifled a tear. "… but I've never really seen anything. I watched countless people be murdered for not believing in the Ori. I didn't dare make any friends; I couldn't stand to lose them that way."

Daniel sat down on the bottom of her bed. "I think I can guess some of what you went through. It must've been hard."

"You think?"

Daniel was silent for a few moments. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Vala was taken aback.

"For not trusting you. You worked so hard to gain our trust, and we just threw it away as soon as Sam came back."

"By we, you mean yourself, Teal'c and Colonel Mitchell." A little flair of the old Vala shined through.

"Even Sam felt a little guilty in light of what you did. We owe you our lives. Not to mention, you basically instructed us on how to deal with an Ori beachhead."

"See, this is why I don't help people, because I always end up lost in some other galaxy or planet or whatever."

"For the last two years, I've been blaming myself for what happened to you."

"Really, I didn't know you cared." A single tear escaped her eye. "I always thought you hated me."

Daniel took a deep breath. "So did I. Right up until you got ringed into the Ori galaxy. Then, I suddenly realized how much I much I'd really come to like you." Daniel was shocked at his own admission.

Vala flashed him a toothy grin. "Thanks Daniel, it really does mean a lot to me."

Daniel stood up, flushing red. He turned towards the door. "Anyway, I just wanted to say that."

Vala was on top of him before he was halfway. She gripped him in her strong arms and dragged him back to the bed. "Oh no, you don't get away that easily."

Daniel didn't resist, for once, he could finally stop blaming himself. He let himself be pulled against her and he reveled in it. He hadn't done this in nine years, he was going to enjoy it.

_A/N: So… how does everyone like my very first SG-1 fic and my first Vala/Daniel fic._


	2. Dinner?

_A/N: This is an epilogue to You Can't Blame Yourself just was thinking about it. There is a good deal of sexual references, though nothing graphic, in this chapter. Again, tell me if you want more. I might actually explain how Vala ended up coming through the gate._

Daniel left Vala's room several hours later. He was hoping to escape unnoticed. His hope was in vain, Cameron and Teal'c were on him like hawks. He held up a hand to forestall their comments. "Don't say anything." He said.

"Colonel Mitchell and I were placing bets on if you…" Teal'c paused. "Scored." Teal'c pronounced the last word funny. It had clearing been Cameron's term.

"So Jackson… did you?" Cameron grinned.

"I wouldn't tell you if I did." Daniel snapped back.

"Really." Cameron wasn't convinced. "DENIAL!"

"I am not in denial." Daniel continued to protest his innocence.

Vala stepped out of the room. "Of course we had sex." She said, yawing. "That's why I'm trying to sleep right now."

Daniel tried to smile and push Vala back into the room. "There was just a little physical contact…."

"A LITTLE?" Vala asked, her voice incredulous. "That was single handedly some of the best sex I've had in a long time. It's no surprise they know, considering how much moaning you did the entire time."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow; he then turned the Cameron. "I believe Colonel Carter owes us both dinner."

"Hell yeah." Cameron replied. He grabbed his radio out of his pocket. "We win Sam."

"What?" Sam asked through the radio.

"Remember, we bet that Daniel would 'score'. Well, by Vala's admission, he did. You owe Teal'c and me dinner."

"You do realize an entire group of scientists just overheard that exchange."

"Really?" Cameron couldn't help but snicker.

Vala flashed a toothy grin. "That was good."

"Indeed." Teal'c replied. "Should we not leave them alone now Colonel Mitchell?"

"Yep." Cameron turned around. "See you later."

After Teal'c and Cameron had left, Daniel turned to Vala. "Did you have to do that?"

"If you hadn't been arguing outside my room, maybe I would've have intervened." Vala snapped back. She placed her arms around his neck. "Besides, I really did have a good time."  
"Oh no, not again." Daniel tried to protest.

"Are you kidding?" Vala asked as she pulled him back in the room. She had him, there was no way around it. It was time for another few hours of trouble making.

XXX

"How long do you think it'll take him to admit it?" Cameron asked Teal'c as they walked through the halls.

"Daniel Jackson is a proud individual." Teal'c stated. "I do not believe he will admit it easily."

"I give him a couple of days, maybe a week at the latest. Where should we cash in tonight?"

"I believe we should invite Daniel Jackson and Vala Malduran to come with us. We are profiting off of them."

"Not to mention, it keeps Sam paying for this bet."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and cast a curious look at Cameron.

"What?" Cameron asked, none too serious.


End file.
